How to live a Spartan life pt. II - Build your brotherhood

"10 dogs can kill a bear" - One of the main principles of the reformations of Sparta. Gone was the glory of a single warrior on the battlefield, reckless behaviour or breaking the line of the phalanx could even get you dishonored. The poleis (Sparta) above all and protecting your brother next to you and thus fighting for Sparta was of much greater importance than individual glory. Men sat together in a Syssistia or military mess to eat with their brothers and share stories. You would know everyone and everything you dined and drank with and they would know everything about you as well. It was believed a warrior who fought with comrades would automatically want to protect them from harm and fight harder.

Modern brotherhood?

Humans are social creatures, we have always been and still are today. We crave for it, and to be put in solitary for too long can lead to madness of the mind. How are people nowadays social? Depending on your age you will have a few friends or 'bros' to go out with and party in the weekends. Or some befriended couples which you sometimes see, but often not enough due to busy lifes. There are your coöworkers or clients you work with and in average we are active on at least 3 social media channels in which are subscribed to various groups and topics that interest us. With thousands of friends on those network channels that follow us we are more social than ever? Right?

Wrong...

A professor of evolutionary psychology Robin Dunbar says human beings cannot maintain more than 150 friendships or five close friendships - at any given time due to limitations of brain size, attention span and the amount of time to nurture close friendships. Yet, we have thousands of friends on Facebook.  The biggest change we've had since the ancient Spartans and our grand parents is the social structure we live in. Where people used to live in a communities or tribes we nowadays live in networks. 

What is:

A network: 

The bigger a network, the better (read profitable).  Often in the digital age you can join without having to meet face-to-face and because of this 'anonymity' the erection of numerous rules and regulations is required. Since you don't have to be physically present in a network you can be anywhere on the planet and be part of a network. Often you can be in a network without contributing anything to it. Therefore networks are about what you can get instead of what you must give. If you have to give something it's often money to unlock some kind of service. Networks are always about a part of a person, they work in certain topics like interests: work, interests,... A human literally get's split up in all the networks he or she is present in.  When reading this, are networks bad? No, if used correctly. Yes, if used as a replacement of a community.

Modern problems: they all might be part of the same or a different network... They wouldn't know and thus we feel more lonely than ever before.

A community: 

A community or tribe as I like to call them are made of real families who are bound by location and a shared group of values. When faced with problems, individuals come together and come up with a solution that will work for them. In contrast to networks you get and you give. The group is small enough that people will know who is who... Who will help in times of need and who won't. You can take from the pot, as long as you add to it too. Communities on the other hand nurture the whole person: good parts, bad parts and all the rest. You are not merely Jack the fitness instructor, but you are Jack who is married to Jennifer with 2 beautiful children that quit his job to start is dream of having his own fitness business.

The Spartan brotherhood

I often read about how some lone adventurer went into the wilds  or traveled and lived on his own in the most Spartan way. Sorry to burst your bubble but this is not Spartan at all. True, young spartans would be sent of into the wilds on their own as part of their education and ability to live in the nature if need be. But the Spartan way was to be a social creature and be part of the Syssistia and Spartan community.  The Spartan brotherhood would force men to become better men, they all would have to provide food and drinks for each other, making them accountable. They would share stories and learn by looking up to the achievements of elder men . Young men would be given advice by those more experienced and would have strong role models to help them grow up into strong and fierce warriors.  Great news, you can use these ancient social structures still nowadays and break free from the modern way of living in the network. And it is not that difficult at all...

Build your own brotherhood:

The first and most critical step is to define your intention and purpose:

- What do you want in a brotherhood and why do you want it?

- What do you hope to gain from and give to it?

Answering these questions will help you find your purpose for your brotherhood. Next step is acting up, this leaves you with two choices:

- Find an brotherhood and become part of it: this is the easiest choice if you can find a group that's already established and if you share their values or beliefs. Typically a lot of brotherhoods are to be found within the army (ask any tanker!)

- Create your own group locally: This is a bit harder, but worth it if you want to determine the direction of the group. Create the setting for the brotherhood, the values and beliefs. Remember as a part of the brotherhood you are accountable for your actions.

Creating a lasting lifelone brotherhood takes time, energy and investment. You have to "show up" for your brothers on a regular basis. You need to hold space for them, you need to encourage them, challenge them and push each other to new heights. And more than anything else... you need to show up.

Let me hear your thoughts on this in the comments below. Are you part of a brotherhood? Did you create your own? Do you live in a network or tribe? Curious to hear from you.

Sources: 

Xenophon: On Spartan society

Dunbar's numbers: we can only ever have 150 friends at most

Art of manliness: communities vs networks to which do you belong